TIKI: a Plague Upon This Land!

Beware TIKI -- a plague upon this land!
Beware TIKI — a plague upon this land!

I ran into Humu Kon Tiki reader Tongodeon this weekend at Forbidden Island’s anniversary party (WHICH WAS FABULOUS), and he was handing out these great little Jack Chick-style tracts, warning of the assault on Christian values by the scourge of Tiki. The booklet has a reprint date of 2002, but I don’t know when it was originally created; it says it’s published by Thaniel Dickson Ministries, Inc., but a Google on that name only matches to a site that keeps track of Jack Chick parodies. Tongodeon bought a mess of them at a table at the Alternative Press Expo in San Francisco this past weekend.

I feel terrible for having led so many sheep astray over the years here at Critiki News, sending innocents into morally corrupt lives of Martin Denny and Suffering Bastard worship. Perhaps it is not too late, and some of you can be saved. The tract instructs, “Most Importantly: Pass this message on to others !!!”, and because I love you so much, I am sharing this important message with you. You can view the entire tract at Humuhumu’s Life in Photos.

Beware TIKI -- a plague upon this land!

16 thoughts on “TIKI: a Plague Upon This Land!

  1. Because I feel personally responsible for contributing to this scourge, I feel I must do more. Send me all your tiki paraphernalia, and I will burn it in a mighty pyre. From now on, devil rum will only be used to power our flames against Satan’s luau!


  2. I was the one who handed you that tract. I can’t claim credit for it: I knew I was going to FI on Sunday, so on Saturday I bought about a dozen of them from the chick comics collector guy at the Alternative Press Expo.


  3. I got it all wrong, I know it now. The pyres are burning out back and the wife and kids are drunk from the local lua, dansing in the light.

    I humbly beseech you, stop it ! Stop The Madness ! It is only a matter of time before the ‘heads’ move further inland and curse our local homes with pinapple and mad floral shirts !

    Only you, great humuhumu have the power to shift events before our good christian values are dashed forever !


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  5. Jason, the ones for sale over at chick.com are the real deal (and are awesome in their own right), but this one is a parody. Thaniel Dirkson, please step forward!

    Tarky, I’m afraid it’s too late for me, I am surely damned to the eternal hellfires. The good news: the fire dancers will be awesome, and the roast pig will be delicious!


  6. I Sa Moke Em Boo Dai Yay!!
    I Sa Moke em Boo!!

    I Went To Chinatown,
    Way Down In Old Hong Kong,
    To Get some Egg Foo Yung,
    And Then I Heard A Gong.

    A Ling Ting Tong,
    Tryin’To Sing this Song,
    Singing”I Sa Moke Em Boo Dai Yay!!
    I Sa Moke Em Boo!!

    First,it’s Tiki!!
    Then,it’ll be something harder!!
    Soon,your child will be wanting to wear a Tux
    and start singing Bobby Darin’s”Beyond The Sea”!!!

    Think about it!!Listen to the last line”Happy We’ll Be Beyond the Sea,
    And Never Again,I’ll Go Sailing!!”.
    Doesn’t that last line sound creepier than an evening with Christopher Walken and Sir Anthony Hopkins???!!!

    “Happy We’ll Be Beyond The Sea”sounds like a bunch of young men and women
    who are participating in”Mixed Bathing”together!!
    Ooohh The Humanity!!
    When Will It all End???

    Tiki Must Be stopped!!!



  7. I was given one of these in, I think, 98 or 99 by Otto. He said he did not know where it came from, someone had given him a stack. So it has been around for a while. Chick Tracts have influenced many. eXene (singer for X) got the title for “Beyond and Back” from a Chick Tract.


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